A MARES SECRET CODE
The mare's secret code of honor is as old as horses themselves and is ultimately the species best kept secret. No mare shall ever produce a foal before it's time. (It's time being determined by the following factors):
1. No foal shall be born until total chaos has been reached by all involved. Your house must be a wreck, your family hungry and desperate for clean clothes, and your social life nonexistent.
2. Midwives must reach the babbling fool status before you foal out. Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair and the inability to form a sentence mean you're getting close.
3. For every bell, beeper, camera or whistle they attach to you, foaling must be delayed by at least one day for each item.
4. Vet check, add a day, internal add three. If you hear the words, "She's nowhere near ready. You'll be fine while I'm away for the weekend," Wait 12 to 16 hours and pop that baby out!
5. Owner stress must be at an all time high! If you are in the care of someone else, ten to fifteen phone calls a day is a sign you're getting close. When you hear the words "I can't take it anymore!" wait three days and produce a foal.
6. You must keep this waiting game interesting. False alarms are necessary! Little teasers such as looking at your stomach, pushing your food around in the bucket and then walking away from it are always good for a rise. Be creative and find new things to do to keep the adrenaline pumping in those who wait.
7. The honor of all horses is now in your hands. Use this time to avenge all of your stable mates. Think about your friend who had to wear that silly costume in front of those people. Hang onto that baby for another day. OH, they made him do tricks too! Three more days seems fair. Late feedings, the dreaded diet, bad haircuts, those awful wormings can also be avenged at this time.
8. If you have fulfilled all of the above and are still not sure when to have this foal, listen to the weather forecast on the radio that has been so generously provided by those who wait. Severe storm warning is what you're waiting for. In the heart of the storm jump
into action! The power could go out and you could have the last laugh. You have a good chance of those who wait missing the whole thing while searching for a flashlight that works!
9. Make the most of your interrupted nights. Beg for food each time someone comes into the stable to check you. Your stable mates will love you as the extra goodies fall their way too.
10. Remember, this code of honor was designed to remind man of how truly special horses are. Do your best to reward those who wait with a beautiful filly to carry on "the mare code of honor" for the next generation of those who wait!